Boys Don't Cry

So here I am in my office, listening to the Prince version of Joan Osborne's "One of us," a great song, but infinitely more funky.  I'm just reminiscing about my yesterday, a wonderful, bittersweet day of remembrance.  My aunt' Lena's funeral/homecoming was yesterday afternoon, and I can truly say it was a joyous occasion.  I saw family members that I haven't seen in years, and it's true what they say about weddings and funerals, it does bring us together.  But it was honestly a celebration of a life well lived and I want to honor my auntie one last time.  Rest in Peace.  I will miss you.

When I started out on this journey of blogging it never crossed my mind that occasionally these life events would spring up.  That I would ever talk about things that I'd normally remain silent about or just discuss with my wife in the privacy of our home.  But it's something about blogging that brings it out.  Therapeutic I guess.

Now I'm like most men.  We are taught not to cry or to show our emotions, especially in public.   We're told to suck it up!  Be a man, gosh darn it!  Boys don't cry!  Leave the crying to the women and the little baby's.  No offense ladies,... or babies for that matter.  But I tell ya, yesterday was tough.  So many people loved my aunt and she affected so many lives it's amazing.  And last night as I lay in my bed, I couldn't stop the tears from falling.  It wasn't the wild uncontrollable sobbing, snotting, bawling kind of crying usually associated with death or mourning.  No, I actually felt as if I shouldn't be crying at all because I honestly didn't feel the pain or sorrow that comes along with it.  Not at that time.  But as I lay there the tears just came, wetting up my face and pillow, and I just let them fall.  I'm not ashamed.  If I was, would I write about it?  Hmm. 

We all feel pain at some time, and as I grow older I realize that it only gets more difficult when someone dies.  It's hard to see your friends around you, family, acquaintances falling ill or passing on.  It makes you realize that time is short.  And time is indeed short people, so get with it.  Live!  Live your life to the fullest as if you have no more days, because when it's over it's over.  Do as much as you can, have as much fun as you can, help as many people as possible, give the best of what's in you, do for others, make things with your hands, build things, create what hasn't been created, bless others with your presence, give of yourself, show love not hate or malice, because it all has to end at some time and we don't know when that time will be, but it will happen.  Just like taxes. 

Now I realize that I don't process death like most people.  My belief in the afterlife is very strong, and I've experienced far too much to discount that it indeed exists.  Whenever I get a strong impression of someone who passed, I fill my mind with good thoughts, happy thoughts about them and their lives.  When I do that I feel them all around me.  To me, they are very much alive, I just can't see them right now.  So for me, feeling sorrow in the face of death is a mearly a physical expression of what my body, my soul is going through.  But the real me, my spirit has that connection, and I know that life goes on, literally.  I know my family and friends wait for me, just as I wait to see them again.  It's a knowing that I will be reunited with my loved ones.  Whether that's true or not, or whether you choose to believe that or not is up to you.  But for me, I choose to eat my pie in the sky.  I choose to believe, because it's much better than eating crow.

I want my life to speak volumes when I'm gone.  I want to leave behind not just a footprint, but a handprint, a faceprint, a buttprint, whatever.  Making an impact in others lives is where it's at.  It's a choice we make as individuals.  Do what you can, or can what you do.  That's the difference between a life of giving and a life lived selfishly, keeping all that god given good stuff inside and not sharing with anyone else.  Live your life to the fullest.  Bless along the way.  And you will be rewarded with more blessings than you can imagine.  Much Love.